Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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