i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
