Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
