How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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