tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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