So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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