Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
even my farts smell like vagina
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize