So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize