you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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