Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
