well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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