My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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