My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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