hotel room ftw
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
