i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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