I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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