so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
