it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She's the barista slut.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
