So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Panties = found
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
