Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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