i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
