so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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