my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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