I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
