I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
