so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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