it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
