can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
