I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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