Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
