Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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