its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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