Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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