theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
