he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize