I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
