I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
