It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
