I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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