while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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