You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
