She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
