you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
