Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
