Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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