it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
