So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
