Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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