Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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