hotel room ftw
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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