he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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