In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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