Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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