Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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