ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
