wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
