Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
