do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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