put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
