i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
