So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
