If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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