I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
